How divorce silences a woman.

Divorce can have a very devastating effect on the couples involved. The effects are mostly quadrupled on the women in most communities. Financially, emotionally, and socially, women undergoing divorce proceedings have no safety net outside their close family members, and that in itself is not a guarantee.

When divorce silences a woman, it is a feeling like no other. The woman's entire world: dreams, aspirations evaporate in front of her, and in most communities, divorce is the beginning of a new season, you will be right to call "hell on earth".

Financial "gag".

Divorce for many women is the equivalent of a life with nothing. Financially, most women are ruined by their attempts to divorce or after a divorce takes place. Women in their millions in many nations and communities today, still have no financial safety nets outside the consent of their husbands. In some communities, women still can't open bank accounts without the consent of a male figure. While in others, marriage was the transfer of their rights and privileges to their husbands, and that included financial matters.

Women are still deprived of access to financial support to enable them to live and manage their businesses without a male figure as signatories. For divorced women, it is the collapse of their enterprises.

Divorce for many women means a return to penury/poverty. They are often sent packing from their homes with nothing substantial. Unfortunately, many of these women would have dedicated their entire lives to the welfare and upkeep of their husbands and children only to be left with nothing at the end.

The rules in these same communities are very different for the male/husbands of the divorced woman. Divorced men are even sometimes financially influenced by the woman's families to withhold or prevent a divorce even where they know there is ongoing abuse of their daughters with such men. They view divorce as a shame and a stain to the names of their families in such communities.

Financially for many women, their life becomes worse than when they first got married after the divorce, This wickedness and shame are still defended by our legal systems, religious beliefs, and traditional norms.

The financial effects of divorce "gags" women in these communities. They have no voice and they have no resources in their hands to fight their divorce maltreatment. It's sad and painful, yet it remains a common practice and a major reason why many women chose to remain in the same marital homes they know they will continue to be abused. They are silenced in the face of continuous abuse.

Many women are made to shamefully return to their parental homes without their children and they are often restricted from seeing their children in the immediate future. These women often have no say in these matters. I cannot imagine the pain, frustration, and anger within the bowels of these women and yet our communities today still make them responsible for their divorce.

We have shamefully given our reasoning to pigs. We wallow in the mire and we ignorantly wear such offensive odours as pride in our hearts. We need urgent help as a people.

Ostracisation.

Divorced women are seen as an aberration in many communities. They are instantly cut off from family events and even prevented from participating in certain communal functions. Why? Simply because they are divorced. They are tagged as failed persons who could not hold their homes together.

Divorced women are made responsible for even the infidelity of their husbands or partners. There is almost no hiding for women. When a community sees you as the sole reason for divorce and sets up systems to keep you in such relationships despite the wickedness of the husband, you can never win on their terms.

In some religious institutions, divorce is not allowed, while in others, a woman would even require the consent of her "abusive" husband for the divorce to go ahead. In several communities, only a man can commence a divorce and that simply means, the wife in question has no say, as to when or if a divorce would ever happen in any circumstance.

Divorce comes with the tag of shame, alienation, failure, disappointment, and communal isolation. Women are seen as the primary reason for their failed relationships and in many communities, it is no great news to the woman's immediate family members. Family members in such situations rarely consider the welfare of their daughters and may even excuse their ex-husband's outrageous behaviours like beatings, emotional abuse, deprivation, with an "it happens in every home" comment.

Divorce silences a woman's voice and cuts them off from contributing to their communities and our world. I may come across as naive but no woman should ever live under the burden of fear, threats, and abuse. Do not stay silent. Reach out to supportive networks and organisations in your community or nation.

Guilt.

Women are often made to feel guilty and responsible for their divorce. Guilt ties their hands; blindfolds their eyes and burdens their hearts with the false narrative of failure. This guilt is reinforced by the many stories in the media, their own experiences, and even our religious and cultural systems.

Guilt constantly attempts to strip every divorcee from imagining within themselves the thought that they still hold the respect of their community. They are temporarily suspended from contributing to any social discourse.

Divorced women often allow their failed relationships and the failures of others to define how they see future relationships. There is the likely trap of rehearsing their past failed relationships including the divorce to the point of belief.

Divorced women can make these false ideals their new guardrails for life, relationships, and business. The effect of this is that they refuse to venture into new relationships. They quietly believe and say to themselves "I am not good enough. I need to take out more time to learn my lessons from my past failures". Any attempt to break this artificial imprisonment within a short time frame would make you feel like a hypocrite and that can become a life sentence with debilitating consequences.

Many divorced women presently live their lives behind a mask. They put up a brave face in public but never truly admit to themselves, that like any other person, we all fail and that includes in relationships. It is time you accept this truth, I am divorced but refuse to wear it as a badge of honour. It happened but your life can't be restricted and defined by divorce.

Guilt plays an important role in life. The role of guilt is for life reflections only. No more; no less. We must enforce a full stop after your reflections. Do not allow guilt to be replayed in your hearts. It is poison. Do not allow anyone to replay guilt in your heart; it is deceitful and deadly. They may appear caring but it robs you of any energy for life ahead of you.

Guilt unrestrained will always lead to the grave. There is nothing good about "guilt unhinged". Guilt goes beyond silencing your voice to imprisoning you to your past.

Finally, you will never feel secure as a hypocrite. No one does. You must refuse the pressure to bow to societal demands and religious obligations that wrap you with the items of clothing of "shame and despair". You have too much stored in you as a woman, divorced or not, to live life in the shadows of what others say or think.

Please, do not live your life to give credence to fears, doubts, and restrictive beliefs about your person. Be authentic. Remain authentic. and refuse to be a cheap copy of your true self.

Many will pretend they have all the answers but I trust you. You know the resources and opportunities in your environment. With wisdom and good counsel, break off the chains many seek to tie you down with.

This world awaits your voice and contributions.

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