What a woman brings into a relationship. (For men only).

There is a common trend among many of my fellow men to ask the question “what does she bring to the relationship?

This question is always framed to see the woman as the sole beneficiary in a marital relationship while the man, husband, or partner sweats it out in the world of work for her and their future children.

What does she bring into a relationship? is a common question that reveals the poor state of our understanding and appreciation of who a woman is. As men, “am I deserving of her?” is a more appropriate question. That should be our first question.

On the surface, the question “what does she bring to the table? appears reasonable until you “lift the carpets” off the floor. It is only then you see the dust: ignorance, contempt and disgust for the women folk buried in our minds as men and those of our friends and family members.

Now, many will deny this assertion and say it is only fair to ask what the woman brings to the relationship while at the same time taking for granted what we assume the man brings into the same relationship: financial security, safety, companionship.

In most conversations, the woman remains our primary focus. The man is considered and placed to be of a higher value than their spouse. Women, unfortunately, are thought to bring nothing outside their biological make-up as females: sex, childbearing.

What a shameful and myopic way to think of women. We are so ignorant yet so proud to announce our shame and small-mindedness to our world. We expect men to believe these “twisted truths” and women to accept them as facts about themselves.

That is why the question “What does a woman bring to the table?” is faulty in its very foundation.

For beginners, these are some of the awesome qualities a woman brings into a marital relationship.

She is High Valued

She is not cheap. She will cost you much more than you have, will ever have, or imagined having as a man. She will cost you, laying down your life. She is that expensive and valued but only to men with a discerning heart.

She is priceless. Many men, unfortunately, that includes me, have a poor understanding of the true worth of a woman. Could it be the case of not appreciating the distinction of women because we think they are common?

We treat them as common and attach no particular value or worth to any of them as unique persons. Is it any wonder we witness and still hear the outrageous ways women and our daughters are treated in their homes?

How we see women determines to a large extent how we treat them. How we see women goes a long way to affect what we expect them to be in life as persons. In most cases, not much in comparison to our expectations of men.

She is not found in the dunghills of our communities. Women are often treated as commodities in all communities. In the western world, a woman’s value is primarily the price tag associated with her physical physique.

What do you judge to be highly valued in life? She beats them all. She will hold a place in your life which no other person can hold. She is your future wife and unless you judge yourself as a man as “crap”, she is awesome and in many cases, we are blessed (some say lucky).

She brings into your life what money, your network or your possessions cannot do. She is not looking for attention or approval. She is not looking out or desiring your companionship to validate her person. No. She is comfortable in her skin.

She brings focus and balance into your life. She is not a distraction. She is an integral part of your person in just the same way, you will be to her.

She is not a competitor. She is not in competition with you for attention or recognition.

She is your Defence

The woman you intend to marry is your bulwark inlife. I know you grew up hearing, you were her defender as a man. True, but that is not all the truth. The woman you get married to is your primary defence in life.

She is your defence from emotional attacks. She can be trusted with your weaknesses. She will not use your failures as a “rod on your back”.

She is your defence from your low self-esteem. She can be trusted with the low points in your life.

If marriage is your goal in life, she is your defence from failure and unfulfillment. She is your defence from your feelings of being unwanted, unappreciated, and undeserving of love. She is in this relationship with you for one primary reason, you. Not your money or physical assets and that should make you feel proud. You were not an excuse, an escape clause or a get out charm.

She is your defence against loneliness. Everyone will leave you. Yes, your children will if they so choose. She is your only guaranteed companion for life. That is the premise, promise and foundation of marriage. The storms, valleys and hills make no difference. She is committed to your person. Now, how much is that worth? Priceless!!

She is your defence against any future smear, personal attacks, and innuendos. She will always have your back and that applies to the various times you will fail. Trust me, you will fail. She is wise to respond to those in your world with grace and truth. She is caring but firm.

She is your defence against your decision to settle for average in life and business. She is a constant reminder that you are gifted to reach out and achieve your dreams. Look at her. Hear her voice. If you listen well, you will hear her roar your name as that of a king to her world. She will not pester you, but she will make you uncomfortable with mediocrity.

My mentor once said a bride has so much excess that they need someone to give it to in life. You came at the right time. She is not starving. She is whole.

She is a strong Business Partner.

Every woman has within her the drive to excel and pursue her dreams in life. She was designed to produce. Increase and multiplication come naturally with her. It goes against her nature and design to be engaged in nothing.

Every bride knows that zero is a false multiplier and that is why it appears they are giving men a hard time. They are not out for lottery winners or the get rich quick schemes. You are not their financial guarantor in life. Your present salary is not the reason she is in business or at work. She knows and understands the purpose and place of money.

She is the one special factor you need to expand your horizon. She is not a burden and a drag on your business ambitions and dreams.

She is capable, competent, and ever so willing to listen and learn about the business world.

She is open and adaptable to new ways of working. She appreciates the need for business mentoring, and she is keen to put herself to work.

She does not take kindly to fools and time wasters. She is the one person you want in our corner. She will fight your corner. She is more than an asset. She is unavoidable.

She is keen to grow her business and that of yours. She understands the sacrifice that comes with being a wife. She is fully aware and given the responsibilities of running the home and a business. Her business will not replace your place in her life. You will always remain her number one. Always.

She will stir up fresh ideas and thoughts in you that will strengthen and expand your business reach. She will guarantee you profit in life and business. That is why we need to listen as men. We are very poor at listening. Our minds are cluttered with pride, faulty religious interpretations, fear, self-doubt, and our constant desire for power and control.

Men, be prepared to adapt and change. Positive change. Changes that result in a shine on your chin. The lady whose life you stepped into is one of purpose. The lady who welcomed you into her world sees you as special. Stop thinking she is small-minded.

In conclusion, men, we have work to do.

Discern her: Now if the above does not look like the woman you intend to get married to, stop. Pause and reflect. Emotions are great but they are poor for decision making. It is the right time to have a conversation with her and your mentor.

Always take the time to know and inquire about the woman you want to get married to. If all you know about her is her pretty face, you are in for a shock. If all you have noticed in her is her fluent accent and expensive cars, you are poor and not ready for marriage.

Pursue Her: The above woman is worth your pursuit. She is worth the blood and sweat of any discerning man. It is foolishness to assume you are the reward for such a woman. No. If marriage is your goal as a man, you are incomplete without this woman.

Pursue her. You know the awesome benefits she brings to your life as a future wife and mother (if you both chose to have children). Do not doubt your qualification or judge yourself so harshly. You might just fit her profile of a discerning man.

She will not cut corners or settle for less. If her decision is a “no”. Take heart, that is simply her saying ”not me”. A “yes” awaits you with some other lady.

Get Married: congratulations, man, you are in a good place for life and business.

Marriage is awesome but it comes with its challenges. You have the right person to navigate this new path and I promise you; it is like no other ride in life.

Marriage is work. Yes, pleasurable work. Like a garden, marriage would require your attention and presence. You will learn the uniqueness of your garden, for no two marriages, are the same. However, many healthy principles apply across the board.

Marriage is not a place to seek affection but to love your wife. Whatever you give her, please remember, you will get it back multiple times over from her. You are only truly ready for marriage when you see life and purpose beyond your present job, business, achievements, failures, and aspirations.

Man. You have my very best wishes for the new chapter called “Marriage”. With wisdom and good counsel, you will become another example of the joys of marriage.

Wedding dresses: It's time to wet your taste buds.

Seasonal gifts: Never stop adding colour to her.

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